How To Stop Feeling Lonely!

People in the world are becoming lonelier despite the increasing population and more ways of making friends. Before you dismiss my assertion, you must understand that by ‘lonely’ I do not mean isolated. Actually, you can be alone but not lonely.

Loneliness is not a good experience. Can you imagine being at the centre of a crowd yet you are feeling lonely? Think about it this way: You are attending a celebratory event, partaking of all the eating and fun, yet you are not part and parcel of the crowd. You feel lost amongst friends.

The Extreme Effects of Loneliness

Did I hear you say that one can only be lonely in the remote parts of our planets? Let me startle you a bit. In one of the Koreas, it is reported that people are so lonely that they are watching videos of other people taking dinner! That is how serious loneliness is for people around the world. To aggravate matters, people that suffer from loneliness are likely to die early. It turns out being out of touch with people and social life is harmful to your health and life. Research also indicates that social circles are reducing in circumference. Today, you are likely to have fewer friends than you had several years ago.

Woman Lying Awake In Bed Suffering With Insomnia

What Causes Loneliness?

Considering the negative effects of loneliness and the interdependence of human beings, it is imperative that we find ways of averting loneliness. We need to remember, though, that loneliness begins in the mind before extending into the physical realm. The moment you lose touch with yourself, you begin to feel lonely. If people are not coalescing around and you feel like they are isolating you, more often than not it is because you have created an aura of loneliness around you. Consequently, any effort to fight loneliness must recognize the role your temperament and conduct play in creating this condition.

The moment you begin to feel comfortable and confident with yourself, you begin to find freedom from loneliness. Having low self-esteem leads one to seek validation from others from a defeatist point of view. The fight against loneliness, therefore, begins from within as it moves to the outside.

Here’s How To Overcome Loneliness

1. Appreciate Yourself: There are countless reasons to love yourself, but only you can identify and appreciate them, before others do. Within you is a great person, waiting to be expressed and to enrich the world with exceptional talents and gifts. You are valuable to the world even as you are unique. It is important for you to learn to ideologically distance your ‘self’ from you and the appreciate it. When you value yourself, you will always find something worthwhile to do, irrespective of where you are. Your thoughts will be geared towards making most of the time you have either with friends, family or yourself. You will not fear to be alone because that is when you imbibe the wisdom that you share with those you meet.

Young woman caucasian asian smiling and lying on a bench reading a book in the park

2. Create Time to Feed Your Soul and Mind: People grow emotionally and in personality when they have time with themselves. You must find time to withdraw away from the public to think and meditate about yourself in order to appreciate who you are. Moments of silence, isolation and profound reflection are crucial for people who want to overcome loneliness.
You need to occasionally hike up the hill alone. One of these fine days, take a boat and explore the deeper parts of the lake. Take time to read a book that motivates you. Go out on a date by yourself where you can enjoy a meal to celebrate who you are. Keep a journal to jot down and later reflect on your experiences.

young woman meditation on sunset beach

3. Identify and Address The Cause of Your Condition: Deep inside you is a voice that you cannot silence. If you listen to it, it will tell you why you are lonely. Once you realize the root cause of your problem, address it. If the problem is related to people around you, for example those who have hurt you or you have hurt, seek for peace. If the reason you feel lonely is because you have no confidence in yourself, you may need to consult a life-coach or someone who can help you overcome your self-confidence issues. Self-pity and relocation to another city or neighborhood will not work in the long run. Confronting your fears and the people and objects that represent your phobias is a great step towards liberation from loneliness.

4.Appreciate Others and Create Time For Them: While loneliness and being alone are not the same, they are related. That is why people who travel away from home for prolonged duration’s often feel lonely. They are far removed from their loved ones and cannot participate in the rituals and excitement of friendship and family. It is for this reason that you need to create time to be with the people that value and love you. Never miss a social event deliberately. When people are celebrating birthdays, weddings, funerals and other social events, avail yourself. Make time for sick folks in hospitals and homes. Help out in community service and emergencies. Be present in good times and in bad moments.

5. Do What Makes You Happy: Loneliness is a product of disengaging yourself from that which makes you who you are. The moment you forget to pander to the whims of the kid in you, you begin to feel lonely. I am talking about that carefree fella who likes to have fun. That old self that appreciates loving and begin loved.Feed that little rascal that wants to laze on the sofa and watch television after days of work. That little ‘you’ that you are trying to stifle still enjoys taking a cup of coffee with friends. He or she loves a holiday and the occasional bungee diving or other daring sport. Be carefree at times and loneliness will take a flight.

Outdoor portrait of beautiful young women having fun.

That said, if you still feel lonely after trying these tips, get help from a professional because the problem could be deeper than we think.

With Love,

Your Grace Guru

XXX

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12 Common Negative Phrases You Need To Stop Saying!

Are you aware that negative thoughts and words can thwart an individual’s growth as well as reduce the chances of achieving success at any undertaking? Therefore, it is an excellent idea to substitute negative words with positive ones and live the life you truly want. Do not allow words to create unnecessary limitations in your life. Here are 12 popular negative phrases that you need to remove from your vocabulary immediately!

  1. I Can’t…

Any thought or statement that begins with I can’t is false. Usually, when people utilise the term “I can’t” what they actually mean is “I choose not.” The more times you start your statements with I can’t, the more you will experience limitations in your life. So, whenever you find yourself saying I can’t, stop for a moment and get tuned in to what’s happening around you.

You may be scared, feeling unable or incompetent, or thinking of previous experiences where you failed, or thinking of present circumstances and situations that are preventing you from performing a particular task. No matter the reason: ask yourself, “would you like to be able?” If you answered yes, then do the following:

1. Get a sheet of paper and write down all the ways it may be possible to accomplish the task.

2. Write down how you will feel when you have accomplished the task. Doing so will motivate you to perform the task.

Therefore, instead of saying “I can’t”, a more empowering phrase would be “I choose” or “I can.”

  1. I Am Not Good Enough

Who says you’re not good enough? Saying things like this to yourself will only put you down. This will not bring you any benefit whatsoever. Begin to believe in yourself and your capabilities to achieve success at any task. Instead of saying I am not good enough, you should be saying, “I’ve got what it takes” or “I deserve the best!”

  1. Whatever Will Be Will Be

This is another phrase that is masquerading as true but really not. “Whatever will be will be” is a pretext not to take action. What this phrase basically means is that your future is written already and you cannot influence tomorrow, regardless of what you do now. This is actually a big lie. The truth is that irrespective of what has occurred previously in your life, and regardless of what’s happening in your life right now, your future is shaped by what you do today. There are no ifs or buts about that.

Whenever you invoke “whatever will be will be”, you have already relinquished your power and will to the circumstances and individuals around you. Always remember that while circumstances and individuals can influence your actions, they do not decide what you will do. Only you can decide your fate in life. Therefore, instead of saying “whatever will be will be” trying saying, “if it is to be, it is up to me.”

  1. That Is Impossible

Many people say this when they hear something that’s different from what they believe. Individuals who live to maintain the status quo usually believe that any knowledge that does not support the status quo should be disregarded or ignored. What you should understand is that there is nothing that is impossible.

There are lots of possibilities within the universe, that precisely whatever can occur has a good chance of occurring somewhere sometime. The fact that evolution and change takes place continually counteracts the likelihood of exhausting possibilities. Whenever you hear something that is unusual or something that is different, instead of saying “that is impossible”, you can say “I believe in miracles”.

  1. I Am Alone

It is true that no one can make it in this world all alone. You will always require help from someone. Everyone is fighting their own battle in life; however every individual is different and is dealing with different circumstances and problems. It would be good if you can find someone with whom to share your burdens.

If you cannot, do not drown your mind in negative thoughts. Bear in mind that everyone feels depressed sometimes and it is fine to feel that way. Therefore, you should stop saying, “I am alone”, and start saying, “The universe/God is always there”.

  1. What People Say And Think About Me Matters

When did you last do something for yourself without bothering about other people or social standards generally? If you know that no one is judging you, what will you do? People will talk about you regardless of what you do. So why bother? If they do talk about you that means you are interesting! Do not give people the chance to destroy your dreams and aspirations. So, rather than thinking, “what people say and think about me matters”, you should start saying, “I am neither too little or too much, I don’t have to prove myself to anyone”.

 

  1. I Will Take Care Of This Later

It is said that the pain of being disciplined is less than the sting of regret. If you put off doing something you ought to do now, you may never accomplish that task. You should stop procrastinating because tomorrow never comes. Thus, rather than saying, “I will take care of this later”, you should start saying, “I am taking care of it right now”.

  1. I Do Not Deserve To Be Loved

The golden rule says that you should love your neighbor as yourself. But how will you love others if you cannot find it in your heart to love yourself. One good thing regarding love is that it is abundant. Rather than saying, “I do not deserve to be loved”, you should say “I love myself and I deserve to be loved”.

  1. I Cannot Forgive Him/Her

Stop bearing grudges against other people. Do not live life with bitterness in your heart. Holding grudges will only make you ill and sabotage your own happiness. One is not saying you should forgive others because they were wrong or right. Practice forgiveness because you deserve to free yourself from other individual’s insensitive choices. Thus instead of thinking, “I cannot forgive him or her”, you should say “I forgive… I release her/him with love”.

  1. If Only I Had More

Be thankful for the things you have now. Perhaps, you want to buy a pair of designer shoes because you like the way they look. Remember that there are individuals who do not have any shoes at all. So instead of saying, “if only I had more” you should start saying, “I am grateful for everything I have”.

  1. I Am A Failure

If you say you are a failure or a loser then you create the failures. Every blunder that you commit teaches you a lesson. There is a trail of failures behind every success story. Thus, you should learn from your failures and try again. Instead of saying “I’m a failure”, you should be saying “I am a learner”.

  1. What If It Does Not Work?

Fear is the main driver of this damaging phrase. Individuals who fear change often say this because they need a reason not to make progress. This provides them with a way out – someone or something to blame apart from themselves.

One is not saying you should not research as well as crosscheck your facts. However, when you are doing that, you should be looking for explanations to the problems that you come across. Instead of saying, “what if it does not work?” You should start asking, “what if it works?” By so doing, you will have a mindset of possibilities and solutions.

 

With Love,

Your Grace Guru

xxx

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5 Must Read Books That Will Change Your World!

The world moves by the wisdom of gurus and sages who lived years of yore. They may be no more but their words keep on inspiring generations. The best action that these people and those who lived during their time did, was to immortalise their words in books. Modern wisdom is also encapsulated in books. In essence, books contain knowledge and information that can transform the way you live.

The following five books will change your world in terms of your worldview and conduct:

  1. The Denial of Death, Ernest Becker

This book won the 1974 Pulitzer Price for non-fiction. Becker based his writings on the literature of Sigmund Freud, Soren Kierkegarrd and Otto Rank. Becker intends to inculcate reason in his readers. The title of the book encapsulates the thesis. We are so much afraid of death that we deny its existence.

To Becker, human beings are fearful, finite creatures who are nothing without another person affirming what the former believe. When we receive constant affirmation, we begin to understand who we really are. Having realised ourselves, we overcome our beliefs of insignificance. According to Becker, we set out on an immortality project; believing that we are inherent components of something that will last forever. He forces us to face reality and become heroes in a manner that infuses our lives with meaning and significance as opposed to living under the shadow of death.

  1. Thus Spoke Zarathustra, Friedrich Nietzsche

One of the most provocative books ever written is Thus Spoke Zarathustra by Friedrich Nietzsche. This famous German thinker considered this the best book in as far as capturing the facts that underlie the life of man. He believes that he has given the world a precious present that will bridge centuries of knowledge. Nietzsche attempts to turn the soul of man inside out. His rationale is that the soul can be transformed by accepting the ‘facts’ he is propagating.

He is bold enough to go against the grain and proclaim the death of God. This prose-poetry text is told by Zarathustra, the embodiment of Zoroaster, the Persian prophet. Nietzsche is of the idea that independence and the ability to overcome are hard to attain but without them, culture and individuals are vulnerable and in danger. Insecurity leads to conformist tendencies and people go to great length to preserve herd mentality.

  1. The Nature of the Soul, Bill Plotkin

This book by Bill Plotkin will help you to understand yourself as a human being. He opines that self-doubt is as dangerous as self-inflation. The challenge for every human being is to live up to their potentials and bravely bringing out the inimical talents that lie hidden within them. Here you will learn about the eight Eco-centric or Soul-centric phase of human development.

You will realise that all of us go through The Innocent in the Nest, The Explorer and in the Garden and The Thespian in the Oasis stages as part of initial human development. Find out also why many people fail to advance beyond these three phases and why such people never really become adults or authentic elders. Each of the other five stages has unique characteristics, but those who go through them successfully become better human beings.

  1. Finite and Infinite Games, James, P. Carse

In this book Carse opines that the only way for human beings to become free and have greater ability to achieve their dreams is to realise that they are limited, not by what they see, but by their ability to see. This writer presents a brilliant and incisive analysis of the human condition by subjecting human beings to game theory.

Here we find two opposing players– the Infinite versus the Finite Player. Opposition is defined by existing frontiers. Your life depends on how you view your boundaries. If you are a Finite Player, you always play inside frontiers and you don’t want to venture outside. On the other hand, Infinite players love to operate with boundaries. The former is after power while the latter plays using power. The Infinite Player continues within the game forever because this is the game of life.

  1. The Rebel, Albert Camus

If you have never appreciated rebels or the idea of going against the grain, you need to read this book. Camus appeared to have been writing an essay, but ended up creating a book. This writer creates a picture of a human being who has revolted against society. His work is based on the works of other eccentric scholars and writers such as Georg Wilhelm, Nietzsche and Dostoyevsky, to name a few.

Camus believes that people rebel when they realise that society is parochial and outdated in the execution of fairness. They would like to find meaning in their actions, but the world they look up to is meaningless. Camus, however, warns that the rebel is in danger of being carried away and failing to live by the real intentions of his or her revolt. Are you looking for revolutionary education? Read this book.

Happy Reading!

With Love,

Your Grace Guru

xxx

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Do You Need Spiritual Help?

We live in a world full of activities. Every day has its own struggles, joys and sorrows. Sometimes we win; other moments are spent agonising over defeat. In all these things, there is one aspect of our bodies that gains or suffers the most – the soul.

Have you ever asked yourself why we detox our bodies and not our souls? Try this now: go to your search engine and type, ‘body detox’. See the flood of information that is on the web related to cleansing our bodies! We spend so much time and money giving our physical bodies new looks while neglecting our spiritual needs.

There are many ways that your body will tell you that you have accumulated a lot of filth in the inner sanctum. You need to listen keenly to what your body is communicating to you to know when to go into a spiritual garage for some maintenance. This happens especially when we have no regular schedules for taking care of our souls the way we do with our bodies.

When your body goes for days without getting in touch with bath water, the stink in your breath and armpits announces to you and the rest of the world that you are missing something important. Isn’t that why you take a bath every morning and evening? Please don’t brush your teeth for a day or two and see how many people will want to be in your company!

In the same way, when you have taken time before attending to your spiritual needs, you stink to the high heavens! Your friends know it; you are also aware, but sometimes you are too blind to notice. That is why you need to continue reading this article to find out how you can tell that it is time to go for a spiritual bath.

What Causes Spiritual Starvation?

But before we venture into the symptoms, let us take a brief look at the causes of spiritual poverty and hunger. There are many and varied reason for this condition. Let’s start with what you feed your body with. You may think there is no connection between food and spirituality, but it is there a very strong link. Whatever poisons your body and mind makes your soul toxic too.

Junk food belongs to the rubbish dump, but we choose to feed our bodies with it. We neglect wholesome food made from freshly-grown farm produce and opt to eat food that is laden with preservatives and other chemicals. We poison our bodies, minds and souls with sugary and salty foods and beverages. Our tummies have become the dumping ground for all the unwholesome food that industries prepare. Not even the meat we eat can be trusted because animals are fed with chemicals and organic food to grow faster.

How about what we feed our eyes and ears with? Television is the culprit in this case. You sit on your couch and watch negative news and programs. You see people killing one another and enjoy it. Rape and other forms of violations become commonplace to you because of constant repetition in the programs you watch. Horror movies no longer scare you and you have no problem watching a person sucking the blood of another, even if it is just acting. You celebrate violence, crime, infidelity and betrayal and this continues to poison you spiritual faculties.

The internet is much worse. Apart from all the servings of television, you can watch and read unbridled profanities from the privacy of your house. Pornography is free for all. You can watch some deranged religious fanatics cutting off the necks of innocent people in the name of the Supreme Being. All forms of evil stare at you from the internet. Not even your children are spared the negativity and diabolism of the internet.

How Is Spiritual Hunger Manifested?

If you are not sure you have been affected by the people and events that surround you to the point that you need to check into a spiritual clinic immediately, ask yourself the following questions:

  1. Do you find yourself frustrated when you cannot find negative news on TV, the internet, social media or life in general?
  2. Are you the kind of person who talks negatively about almost everything even without intending to do so?
  3. Do you often find yourself wishing that something negative happens to another person or people?
  4. Are you always bored and unenthusiastic about life, seeing nothing good in what you and others do?
  5. Have you been deserted by friends apparently because they cannot stand your negativity or you emit negative energy?
  6. Do you hate being around people who are happy or those who exude optimism at all times?
  7. Are you the type of person who finds sleep hard to come by even after spending most of the day working?
  8. Do you experience bad dreams and nightmares in the few moments when sleep obeys you?
  9. Do you always feel victimised when negative events happen to you?
  10. Have you lost joy in life; the smile of a child; the beauty in nature and the summer breeze?
  11. Do you shun places of prayer and detest moments of silence when you can reconnect with yourself?

If your answer to most or all of the questions above is YES, then you need spiritual help. It means that you have lost touch with yourself and the Supreme Being. You have no idea what is going on in your inner self. You spiritual compass is not working. In the words of a famous poem, “the centre cannot hold together and your life is falling apart!”

Rainbow silhouette with aura - woman and man

It is unfortunate that many of us find ourselves in these situations and do not know that we are actually trapped. We assume that this is the normal pattern of things and that positive change will come automatically. Even when we realise something is wrong with ourselves, we blame others while leaving the real cause of the problem untouched – ourselves.

Here Are Important Tips On How To Emancipate Ourselves From Spiritual Starvation!

  1. Know yourself: Take time to understand the way your mind, body and soul work and are interrelated in order to detect when you are in need of spiritual help.
  2. Meditate: Meditation will help you to get peace in the mind and soul. It will reconnect you with your your spirit.
  3. Pray: If you are a religious person, go back to the basics of your religion. Reconnect with the Supreme Being and ask for renewal.
  4. Fast: When you deny yourself food for some time, your body and mind will undergo cleansing. You will also get time to pray and meditate.
  5. Make merry: When you engage in genuine laughter, especially through genuine interaction with friends and relatives, you will free yourself of stress which hinders spiritual growth.
  6. Help others: In the spiritual and physical world, human beings are interconnected. Helping other people brings joy to them and you too and uplifts you spiritually.
  7. Read: Spirituality is associated with religious texts. Whichever religion you subscribe to, look for its sacred book and get spiritual nourishment.
  8. Sing: Music elevates and rejuvenates your mind and soul. For spiritual purposes, look for sacred music and sing, listen or do both for spiritual nurture.
  9. Exercise: This may sound strange but when you give your body regular exercise, it becomes more flexible and the mind becomes clearer to appreciate spiritual matters.
  10. Minimise your interaction with television, the internet and social media and instead spend time in a natural environment.

With Love,

Your Grace Guru

xxx

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